God I’m bored! I did say everyone is sick didn’t I? 4 hour nap marathon happening over here, and I want to go hiking, there’s even snow up on the mountains, very sad for me! Ozzy agrees, we’re pacing about together.

So, driven to desperation I did actually open one of those astrology.com emails and decided to see what the free numerology reading could tell me about myself… here you see it:

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Your Soul Number is SEVEN.

Deep, serious, introspective, and analytical, you accept nothing at face value, and you are always probing into the hidden side or deeper meaning of situations and people. You are fascinated by the mysterious and unknown. You enjoy periods of solitude in peaceful surroundings, and need time to study, reflect, or meditate. You may be given to much daydreaming and flights of the imagination as well. The ocean has a powerful attraction for you. The study of philosophy, psychology, scientific research, metaphysics, or religion appeals to you. You are scientific in your approach to Truth.

Private, reserved, and rather secretive, there are probably very few who truly know and understand your inner thoughts, feelings, hopes, and aspirations. Unless you learn to share your deeper self more freely, and to be less of an idealistic perfectionist, you may be rather lonely.

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So I think this means I think too much. True that. But do people actually pay to hear all of this crap about themselves that they should know all ready? I mean, this is close (just read back to my deep yearning for the life of an ornamental hermit), but it has missed some key facts like my supernatural ability to talk to furniture, the astonishing power and variety of the musical numbers I sing in the shower, my strong connections to the underworld, and the shocking Truth that Darth Vader is indeed my father (though to be fair I did arrive at this Truth scientifically).

Still, what I really wanted to know was what color hair the stranger has who I must beware of, the far away place I want to move to in the next year, and the brand of underwear I should be wearing for luck. This would be useful information. Any updates on the coming Apocalypse would also help, revelations is surprisingly obscure on this crucial point, though Al Gore is trying to clear the problem up so it shouldn’t be long now. I am planning a few weeks of astonishing debauchery to celebrate it, but don’t want to get started too early. I might even start a cult, so if anyone is interested in accepting me as their sole spiritual and financial leader just give me a shout.